Sincerenity

As I come to the conclusion of Week 55 in my weight loss journey, I contemplated whether or not I should weigh in this week.

When I first started my weight loss journey, I was so excited to lose the lose the first couple pounds! Which is understandable, but maybe I got a little too excited. I know I was too excited because I became obsessed with seeing that scale go down. That was where I got my joy, happiness, and motivation. It was like a dopamine hit.

It didn’t take long for this to become an unhealthy obsession. I was even weighing in daily.

But, if I depend on that scale going down in order to feel happiness and motivation, what happens when the scale doesn’t go down? (Which happens) Well, I felt like I was failing, like I just couldn’t do it, and I started looking for other things or people to blame. It took quite a toll on my mental health.

It’s important to find self worth and happiness outside of the scale. It’s nice to see the scale go down, I’ll be the first to tell you that, but it isn’t the most important thing. The scale is just a tool that only measures one aspect of myself. The scale does not know what strides I made in my mental health that week, it doesn’t know what break-throughs I had with myself, it doesn’t know about the wins and failures I had that week. It doesn’t know what I learned, how hard I worked, or how motivated I was that week. All it knows is how much I weigh in the moment. Which even isn’t 100% accurate at times. Scales aren’t perfectly accurate. Each scale is a little different. Sometimes bodies hold onto a little more water, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we just weigh different from day to day and that is ok. Weight fluctautes a lot. So that number on the scale honestly doesn’t mean a whole lot, and it certainly doesn’t define me. It is a good way to measure one aspect of progress, but it is not the end-all be-all.

This took me months to learn. So I learned to only weigh in once a week. Then I learned that sometimes I won’t even weigh in that frequently. If a week passes, and I wouldn’t consider it a “good” week (maybe I ate way over my calories, didn’t exercise, or had any reason to believe I didn’t have a “good” week), then I will choose not to weigh in. For example, if I knew I ate way over my calorie limit, or ate very heavily, then I also know that my body really holds onto it, and I’ll see that on the scale. If I had a “bad” week, why would I get on the scale to feel even more bad about myself?

Getting on the scale has become a concsious effort and choice. I don’t do it absentmindedly. Before I even go into the bathroom that has the scale in it, I take a deep breath and reflect on my week. What went well? What didn’t go so well? Am I happy and or proud of myself, for what I did or dodn’t do this week? If my answer is yes, then I go to the scale. Then, I step on, look straight ahead, take another deep breath, and remind myself that this number is not who I am. This is just one way to track my progress, but not the only way. When the scale has had a few seconds, then I look down to see the result.

This week, for example, I have chosen not to weigh in. I was sick this week with an awful cold. I decided for myself that I wouldn’t be so strict in my calorie deficit as I was ill. I did not exercise this week for obviuos reasons. I’m already not feeling great physically with this cold, so I’m not going to get on the scale to see “the damage”. Maybe I actually lost weight this week, maybe I didn’t, I don’t know.

Sometimes… I don’t need to know.